Wednesday, November 16, 2011

A month has passed.....

4 weeks ago we found out we lost our precious baby.  In my heart I feel it was a girl, we have no way of knowing as it was too early, but whenever I refer to the baby I use she, her, etc.  I feel like I have been on a roller coaster the past 4 weeks.  I have gone from being "OK" to screaming to being angry to crying and then back to being OK.  Today I am OK.

Today I  find myself at peace with the fact that our baby is no longer with us.  I am over the anger stage.  I still get sad and it upsets me to think where I would be now.  I would be 13.5 weeks today.  Just getting out of the first trimester and awaiting the next appointment to find out the gender.  Now here I sit, no baby bump, no baby.
We have hope now....we believe we will have the opportunity to have another baby.  Although it is a terrifying thought to be pregnant again, we will try again.

With the holidays right around the corner I am having mixed feelings.  A part of me doesn't want to participate in the festivities that come with Christmas, I just want to stay home with my husband and two kids.  Then again another part of me says I should go, get it over with.  Why do the holidays seem so hard?

Losing my baby will be with me forever, I will never forget, but I will continue to live and have hope.