Here I am, I am still here. It amazes me every day that I am still here, still breathing.. After all that we have been through I thought for sure the heart ache would take me, the pain would consume me. But alas..I am here.
It has been 8 months 4 weeks 1 day since Noelle has been gone. It has been 3 months 2 weeks 5 days since Gabriel has been gone. It a lot of ways it seems like just yesterday that I lost my babies, but seems like a million years ago that I was actually pregnant.
We created a beautiful garden for a babies with engraved stones and rose bushes. I take solace in looking out my back windows and seeing those beautiful flowers. Whenever a new bud forms I feel like it's a message from my babies.
I would do ANYTHING at this moment to be pregnant again...to have my babies back. That feeling will never go away, but it doesn't consume me all day every day. I have really good days and here and there really bad days. I am still learning to live with this new me, this new life. BUT I AM STILL HERE!