Tuesday, July 17, 2012

I am here

Here I am, I am still here.  It amazes me every day that I am still here, still breathing..  After all that we have been through I thought for sure the heart ache would take me, the pain would consume me.  But alas..I am here.

It has been 8 months 4 weeks 1 day since Noelle has been gone.  It has been 3 months 2 weeks 5 days since Gabriel has been gone.  It a lot of ways it seems like just yesterday that I lost my babies, but seems like a million years ago that I was actually pregnant.

We created a beautiful garden for a babies with engraved stones and rose bushes.  I take solace in looking out my back windows and seeing those beautiful flowers.  Whenever a new bud forms I feel like it's a message from my babies.

I would do ANYTHING at this moment to be pregnant again...to have my babies back.  That feeling will never go away, but it doesn't consume me all day every day.  I have really good days and here and there really bad days.  I am still learning to live with this new me, this new life.  BUT I AM STILL HERE!

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