This takes up into Friday, October 21, surgery day. I have to leave my little girl with a friend as we go to the hospital. I try to hold it together as she clings to me crying. She does not want me to go. I don't want to go either.
We get to the hospital and go through the motions of preparing for surgery. I have to answer the question a dozen times, "what are you here for?" I hate saying it, I hate telling them I am getting a d&c because I know what question comes next, "how far along were you?" Every time I have to answer that question another piece of me feels like it is being chipped away.
thankfully the procedure goes well. No complications. I am wheeled to the post-op room and they finally let Terry back in. He asks how I am...all I can say is empty. Literally, I felt empty. I could feel that things that were there before had been removed. My baby was gone. Really really gone. The hope that this was a nightmare and I would wake up soon hit me in the face. This was not a nightmare, this was my new reality. I was empty.